Getting better

I've been thinking of this song so much lately.

Back when the Beatles were touring, Ringo got sick, and they had to use a replacement drummer for some of their shows. Fans were worried that the new drummer might actually end up replacing Ringo. The new drummer, what's-his-name, got a lot of criticism and hostile treatment because of this. One day in rehearsals, the guys asked what's-his-name how he was doing, and he replied, "It's getting better." This song is based on his response.


I like the song because I think it describes me pretty well lately. I am okay if I don't try to move or stand or go anywhere. A couple of times in the last week, I tried to leave the house because I thought I was well enough. The first time, I started bleeding internally a lot; the second time, I got a pain in my back where my kidney is that hasn't quite gone away yet. Hurt me twice... shame on me. Learned my lesson? Hopefully. If I stay still and laying down, I usually feel okay, which is deceptive because I start to wonder if maybe I've gotten better. But every time I get up it hurts bad enough that I realize it was a bad idea. I never thought I could be this invalid.

So I'm not entirely okay... but some things are getting better:
1. As I've learned, the Family Medical Leave Act protects me from losing my job if I'm out for being sick, so I'm not allowed to worry about that anymore (according to my sister). I discussed the situation with my boss, and we're going to see how I'm doing the week after I get the stint out to see if I can make it back in.

2. Michael finished his last final on Thursday morning. So he's been able to take care of me a lot, and will even wake up out of a deep sleep if I tell him that I need help. He's also on his Christmas vacation this weekend, and doesn't have to return to work until next Thursday night, woo hoo!

3. Since I stopped taking the antibiotic a few days ago, I haven't been as nauseous anymore. That is a huge improvement. My appetite has returned and everything digestive is getting much better.

4. I am really looking forward to Christmas. I get to see a lot of my family and we get to eat yummy food.

So: it's getting better. I've made it through a whole week with this blasted stint in, and next Tuesday I get to have it taken out. I haven't seen the stone come out yet, but it's still got a lot of time to get moving.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season!

Surgery blues

The doctor didn't get the stone. It turns out that the stone is smaller than we thought, and when the doctor saw it in the tube, it actually floated away, back up into my kidney before he could get it. He said that the tube connecting my kidney to my bladder (the ureter) is really small and tight, and even though the stone was small, the tube was so tight that it couldn't make it into my bladder. So he put a stint in, which is enlarging my ureter tube, so that hopefully it's easy for the stone to float down into my bladder and then finally out. He says that he usually leaves in stints for a few days, but he wants to leave mine in for two weeks to give the stone a good chance of getting out. I have an appointment for Dec 30th to get it out.

This has been incredibly frustrating and painful. I can feel the stint in my body. It causes a lot of discomfort and makes me sick to my stomach. Most people can't do anything until they get their stint out, but my job at the library can't spare me for all of the time that the stint will be in, and I have to figure out some way to get in to work so that I don't lose my job. The stress of that coupled with feeling constantly sick and having crazy pain whenever I have to go to the bathroom makes everyday pretty hellish.

Everyone is being really sweet and trying to call to see how I'm doing, and it's so nice to know that you care. But most of the time I feel like crying when I hear the phone ring, so sorry if you haven't talked with me in awhile. Michael will be done with finals tomorrow, and then has a few days off of work, so hopefully that will help make things a little less tight around here. I hope everyone is having a good holiday season. Hopefully I will feel better soon.

Another Update

I'm scheduled for surgery tomorrow (Monday) morning. They don't know yet if they will take out both stones or just the one that's stuck close to my bladder. My urologist will x-ray me before the surgery and make the decision then.
I've managed to stay out of the ER so far this weekend. It's not painful to take a deep breath anymore, so I think my lungs are doing better. Also we found an anti-nausea patch that Doug used after his surgeries, and it has been working really well with me. Not being so nauseated or throwing up often, I've been able to keep more water down, so that is helping with my dehydration.
They will probably release me from the hospital as early as Monday afternoon. Michael has a final project due tomorrow, so he won't come to the hospital with me. My mom is taking work off to take me there and drive me home afterward, so if anyone is wondering how the procedure went, you can give her a call.

If Pandora had kidney stones...

I got home from ER visit #4 at about 4:00am this morning. ER visit #3 was due to pretty bad dehydration, and ER visit #4 was uncontrollable unfathomable pain (again).

So here is what's wrong with me.

- I still have the kidney stone. It's still stuck in the exact same spot it was stuck in last Saturday night. I thought it had passed yesterday because I started feeling so good and so relieved (right around 11:30 am), so I told the urologist yesterday that I thought it had moved into my bladder (a good thing) when in fact, it hadn't. So he pretty much dismissed me and told me to come back next week.
- I have a second kidney stone. On my other kidney. I found that out at the urologist's yesterday, and I can't express how horrible that information was. It's stuck well up on my kidney, and it's the same size (about 4 mg or ml or whatever the measurement is). No one is really worrying about that one right now except for me, which bugs me.
- I am still dehydrated. Anything I consume sits like a fiery stone in my stomach, and drinking is the most painful thing for me to consume. I'm trying a plan b approach, which is real broth-y soups. Not creamy soups, or potato-y soups. Brothy soups. It's fluids that don't make me as sick as straight water or juice, and at least there's some nutritional value, too.
- I haven't had a bowel movement for a week now. So 'constipation' is on my list of afflictions. And it can actually cause just as much pain and trouble as the kidney stone, but the doctor told me that it's not the priority right now, the kidney stone is the most important thing. And if I can get hydrated better, that should help.
- The lower part of my lungs are collapsed/collapsing. Being on all of the pain meds that I have been on, my breathing has been very shallow since Saturday, and also if I inflate my lungs completely, it makes my side ache where the kidney is. Each time I go into the ER, they keep putting me on oxygen because I'm not getting enough, so I have to try to breathe as deeply as possible (even while sleeping - how?) so that I can get them to open back up.
- I have borderline pneumonia. I guess they noticed a small infection starting last night when I went into the ER again, and now I have to take antibiotics for the next week to counterbalance that. I don't really know where this one came from... on top of everything else it's starting to get ridiculous.

One good thing is that my ER doctor last night called the urologist and told him that the stone had in fact not moved at all, and I was in extreme pain. The urologist told him that he could get me in for a procedure on Monday... but we're going to see if we can try to get him to push it to today. In one way, waiting until Monday could be a good thing, because it gives the stone more time to come out on its own, which would be the best thing, but at the same time I'm taking heavy pain meds every two hours, and I really don't want to keep that up for another three days. Plus having a stone stuck there for so long is not good either.

People are being really wonderful trying to help me as they can and offer comfort. I really appreciate it. Talking on the phone is painful and difficult with my lungs they way they are and my brain addled from the pain meds, so I'm sorry if I can't answer each phone call, but I'll do my best to keep you updated. I feel bad for Michael, he is working graveyard shifts, sleeping during the days, and trying to prepare for finals and projects that are due next week. On top of that he has had to add making sure I take my pain meds at the right time, driving me to the ER and doctor's appointments, and trying to keep the house clean for all of the other caregivers coming by. I took a picture of him with my cell phone while we were waiting for the urologist yesterday:

Thanks again to everyone and I'll try to keep you updated as best I can.

Update

People say that kidney stones cause the worst pain anyone can ever feel in their entire life, childbirth included. So far, I haven't noticed any difference from this statement. One funny remark that I keep getting is that now that I've had a kidney stone - childbirth should be a breeze! Really? I think they're trying to be comforting... but I don't think childbirth is going to be any easier just because I've felt worse pain.

I had to go back to the ER yesterday. I was down to two pain-killers left, so I waited as long as I possibly could just to see how bad the pain was still, and I made it 5 hours before the pain was so bad that it made me cry. At the ER they did another x-ray, and the stone is in exactly the same spot that it was on Saturday night. It's just about to drop into the bladder, but hasn't made it there. The doctor prescribed me a pill to relax those muscles, and hopefully they will relax enough to move the stone into the bladder finally.

They said that if I still haven't passed the stone by tomorrow, that I need to contact a urologist to have it removed surgically. In the meantime, I'm supposed to consume over a gallon of fluids a day, but that's hard when I keep throwing up and have extreme nausea. Anything I consume sits like a painful, firey rock in my stomach, and I've been getting killer headaches despite all of the painkillers I've been on.

Basically, my left foot feels great, so I'm focusing all of my concentration on that because it's the only thing that isn't going through hell in my body. People have expressed concern about me going in for surgery to get this removed, but I'm prepared to do whatever it takes for this to be over. You want to stick that into what hole? Go for it. Just do whatever you need to do. Hopefully this won't last much longer.

Maybe I should start a running tab at the Emergency Room?

I spent Saturday night in the Emergency Room, for the second time this season.

Earlier that evening, I thought I had a bladder infection. My sister took me to an Urgent Care by my house so that I could get some antibiotics. While I was there, I experienced the worst pain I've ever felt in my side. I walked out to the lobby and laid down right on the floor and couldn't move. Finally a doctor came and examined me - he told me that he thought I had a kidney stone. He said they didn't have the equipment to take care of me - I was in so much pain that he said I needed to go to the Emergency Room.

My poor sister drove me there, screaming and clutching at her shoulder the whole time. Finally we got to the ER, and I walked up to the window, sobbing and moaning, and they actually told me to fill out a form. I handed the form to my sister and went to lay down on a bench and writhe and cry until she was done. There was a man sitting in the waiting room who just looked at me in horror. The nurses came out and told me they were getting a room ready for me - they were having a busy night, so they pulled me into their little office to start taking my blood pressure. The pain got so bad that I had to throw up - I've never thrown up just from pain before. I caught a glance from the man in the waiting room again - he could see me through the window, and was even more horrified than before. I felt bad for him.

They finally got me into a room that was lined with supplies - nurses kept coming in during my whole visit to get gauze, ice, stints, etc. We kept joking that they put me in the supply closet, but that was probably close to the truth. They were trying to get a blood sample, and couldn't find my vein. The nurse kept digging the needle through my arm, and I didn't care at all, I just wanted him to do what he had to do to make the pain stop. Finally they got the blood sample and then put an IV in my arm and gave me morphine ... four times. By the third morphine shot, everywhere in my body felt great, except for that one spot in my side that burned like the sun. So they gave me morphine #4. Then they took me in for a cat scan, and saw that it was a kidney stone. They said it was 4 millimeters in size, just small enough for me to "pass" by myself. Great. During the cat scan I had to breathe in and hold it, and that started the pain going again. They gave me a new drug, something that started with D, so that I could leave the hospital. They left the IV plug thing in my arm, in case I needed to come back within 24 hours. They took me in a wheelchair to the car, and I thought that the last pain-killer they gave me would last awhile, but getting in the car was enough to make me scream for the first few minutes of the drive until I could push the seat back almost flat.

I've been on heavy painkillers since then. Sunday morning we had a scare where we thought I'd need to go to the ER again, but after a call to the hospital, they suggested that I supplement the pills they gave me with 800 mg of ibuprofen. They said that if I couldn't keep the pills down or if the pain was unmanageable, that I should come back in. I did okay for the rest of the day, and we took out the IV plug last night. But this morning I've started throwing up again, and I can't stand for longer than it takes to run to the bathroom. I still haven't passed the stone, and they said it could take days to come out. A lot of people have told me that kidney stone pain is worse than having a baby. I didn't think it was possible, but this does hurt more than my miscarriage 6 weeks ago.

I may have to go back to the ER later today if I don't improve. Wish me luck.

Thanksgiving

For Thanksgiving Michael and I went to my sister's house in Spanish Fork. She has this new beautiful house and this new beautiful kitchen, with TWO ovens. Two. I'm told it's called a "double oven," but whatever, there's two ovens in there.

I took one look at those babies and said, "We're so coming here for Thanksgiving." And it all sort of fell into place. Each family coming made something, and it was all delicious! (I brought pumpkin pie - one normal and one dairy-free! so proud).

One of my sisters had planned after-dinner games, which were so fun. My favorite game was one where she read accomplishments that someone in the family had done over the past year, and we all had to guess who had done it. It was a really cool way to get caught up on the amazing things people have done this year.


By the way, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post or has sent me an encouraging email lately (in regards to this). I made a book of remembrance because I didn't know what to do with the ultrasound picture, and I put all of the sweet things you said in there. Thanks for being there for us.